Retirement Job Seeker Gifts

'The law requires me to tell you that we don't discriminate, gramps.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I don't like your application."

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Between Offices

In and Out Sourced.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."