Aspiring Job Seeker Gifts

'I'm looking for something in the 'being unemployed' sector.'

'... And you say that this would be your dream job?... Well, with a CV like this I think you'd better wake up!'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

How are you at decision making?

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

In and Out Sourced.

"I don't like your application."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

Between Offices

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'