Aspiring Employee Gifts

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'What will I bring to the company? The fanatical commitment of sheer desperation!'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

What else is there to wish for?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

One day, he hoped to hit the big time.

'I'd like to be one of those people who sets targets for other people.'

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"Well, if I can't get an increase based on merit, how about one based on the cost of living beyond my means?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

How to get ahead and how to get further ahead.

"Boss, I'm more than just a cashier and mopper-upper guy."

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

"Shouldn't be long before we're at the top."

A girl climbs a ladder of books

'Mom, I can't go inside now! Business is great!!'

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"I enjoyed your request for a raise. I've seldom read a more aspirational document."

'How do you expect me to fine tune my act if you keep taking me to the principal's office?

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'