Jobseekers Gifts

"You've been daylighting, haven't you ?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

How are you at decision making?

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

Do you have any other skills?

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I don't like your application."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for