Irritation Analyzer Pillows

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

Jealousy

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

"I need to relax? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

Higher Instincts/Middling Instincts/Baser Instincts.

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

Road Guilt

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

Skin Deep. Hey, that's my dermatologist! He must be doing pretty well! One man's rash is another man's pleasure!

Emojis for psychos.

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

Protests

Half of those who made no donations last year 'do not trust charities'.

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

The Grumpometer.

'We're looking for someone who has enormous confidence during the day and who wakes up worried sick at night.'

"You could add 'Men who say "Ciao!" who are not even Italian or of Italian descent' to that list."

'The 10 Habits of Highly Annoying People'

Body Language...

Actress on botox expressing emotion.

"I think I may have stood next to someone who might have been near a place where they suspect one of their customer's partners could have had a temperature... So I've come for a Covid test."

100% Effective Ad Blocking

"The thing that should bother me don't - should I be worried?"