Symptom Analyzer Pillows

Colds: A man's and a woman's

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

Yesterday I had an argument with the janitor of my building, and then last night I dreamed that he was chasing me with a large ball-peen hammer

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

Road Guilt

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

"Next!"

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

Mood Swingometer - Tetchy/Calm.

Emojis for psychos.

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

Protests

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

The Grumpometer.

'We're looking for someone who has enormous confidence during the day and who wakes up worried sick at night.'

Actress on botox expressing emotion.

"I think I may have stood next to someone who might have been near a place where they suspect one of their customer's partners could have had a temperature... So I've come for a Covid test."

"It's my ears, Doc. I can't move them. They're... they're paralyzed!"

"The thing that should bother me don't - should I be worried?"