Interior Irritator Pillows

Stopping the Cuckoo Clock.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

'This is my natural habitat.'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

Rowing machine on a river.

Television company new recruit

"We hired all the designers ourselves."

"I can really picture settling down and destroying a suburban family's attic with you."

"You need a hobby."

Painting and decorating

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Memory Foam Mattress.

It's a beautiful day. Take your computer and invent the next crippling internet virus outside.

Skin Deep. Hey, that's my dermatologist! He must be doing pretty well! One man's rash is another man's pleasure!

"Above all do not open your sealed test booklets until you are told to do so!"

High wattage refrigerator bulb cooks food - "Moira, can we get a lower-wattage bulb in here?...this food's all cooked."

'So our son can't move back in -- furniture sale!'

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

'This place is so bright and airy compared to the cave I live in now!'

After you left for college, we gave the dog your room. Mutts. Sea Wolf. Bark Box.

House with Damp Problem.

Man attempting to paint a room by exploding paint onto the walls - "Could I see your qualifications again Mr Baker."

The room you gave me was so small every time I bent over I rearranged the furniture.

Bathroom DIY

'You are advised to allow ten minutes at the end for demanding a re-mark.'

"That blasted maid's got everything upside-down again!"

"Well, right off I can tell the Feng Shui of your interrogation room is all off. The Life Area is in conflict with the Knowledge Area which creates a very powerful Alibi Area right here."

'Coach is in a meeting. He's going over patterns with his receivers.'

100% Effective Ad Blocking