Interior Improviser Pillows

Bathroom DIY

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Television company new recruit

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"We hired all the designers ourselves."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

It's a beautiful day. Take your computer and invent the next crippling internet virus outside.

Non Drip Paint

'We added on to the couch.'

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

Piano desk.

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

I'd love to wallpaper our bedroom, but it's too expensive. Not necessarily. Teddy wallpapered his entire room. What?! D�cor. For the cost of a few dozen movie magazines. And a fortune in scotch tape. Rolling Stone.