Home Improviser Pillows

'Hello, we've just moved in next door. I suppose this isn't a good time to ask to borrow a cup of sugar?'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"I'll draw them out with the cheese platter, but it's up to you to entertain them."

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

'So one day I said to myself, 'What am I doing living in this run down house when I could be living on my boat?'

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

'We added on to the couch.'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

The Hammer

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"I don't believe you're a minimalist I think you're just mean."

'We just got sick of having the cat's litter box in the house.'

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Jazz is Invented

At times Richard dreaded coming home, as he knew he'd have to face the music.

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"Yes, our dishwasher is a smart appliance. But, you still have to actually put the dishes in it."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

'This way, we'll never lose track of the remote.'

'It spoils the decor, but it sure saves money on TV sets.'

Piano desk.