Home Improvisation Humorist Pillows

'Could you stop off at No. 25 - my gas boiler's gone out?'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

The Hammer

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'