Interior Improv Artist Pillows

'Well, I got that nasty stain out of the carpet!'

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

The Hammer

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"When you tell your Father how you're dropping out of college to be a renaissance faire entertainer, the least you could do is break character."

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

Television company new recruit

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

"Well, it does make the room look larger."

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

Harpist using her bed frame as a harp.

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

'We added on to the couch.'

Non Drip Paint

"That's not a mistake, that's jazz."

"What do you think?"

Budget Recliner

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

"I said no to a man cave but I compromised on a dugout."

I'd love to wallpaper our bedroom, but it's too expensive. Not necessarily. Teddy wallpapered his entire room. What?! D�cor. For the cost of a few dozen movie magazines. And a fortune in scotch tape. Rolling Stone.

'This way, we'll never lose track of the remote.'

"You're a fool, Carl - a fool and an idiot."