Interior Design Humorist Pillows

'I told you it wouldn't fit through the door!'

Red Indian in a restaurant, "Have you a reservation, sir?""Well, I'm not crazy about the flock wall-paper"

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

"There's slipping in the bath then there's slipping in the bath."

"Love the new furniture."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

'Pssst. Go play in your new fun house or you'll hurt daddy's feelings.'

"What do you think?"

Fire Escapes

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

"Reproduction furniture."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

Budget Recliner

I LOVE what you've done with the place!

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'Hey, I love the moat.'

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

"You know they're just plastic, and I know they're just plastic, but take them down."

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

'I think the flat screen TV goes well next to my flat headed husband.'

'It also makes a great hat rack.'

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

'Oh, shoot! That's an 'H.'