Interior Decor Humorist Pillows

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Dog Bookends

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

"What do you think?"

"Reproduction furniture."

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"The carpet really brings the room together."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

Budget Recliner

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

I LOVE what you've done with the place!

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

"You know they're just plastic, and I know they're just plastic, but take them down."

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

'I think the flat screen TV goes well next to my flat headed husband.'

'It also makes a great hat rack.'

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"

"There's slipping in the bath then there's slipping in the bath."

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.

'Hey, I love the moat.'

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

'I told you it wouldn't fit through the door!'

Unfinished furniture.

"The hibiscus really ties the place together."