Interior Irritator Prints

Stopping the Cuckoo Clock.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

'This is my natural habitat.'

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

Rowing machine on a river.

"We hired all the designers ourselves."

"I can really picture settling down and destroying a suburban family's attic with you."

Television company new recruit

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Painting and decorating

"You need a hobby."

Memory Foam Mattress.

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

"Above all do not open your sealed test booklets until you are told to do so!"

High wattage refrigerator bulb cooks food - "Moira, can we get a lower-wattage bulb in here?...this food's all cooked."

'So our son can't move back in -- furniture sale!'

'It IS an interesting hat isn't it? I made it from the skin of the last dog that fouled my mooring ropes!'

'This place is so bright and airy compared to the cave I live in now!'

House with Damp Problem.

The room you gave me was so small every time I bent over I rearranged the furniture.

Man attempting to paint a room by exploding paint onto the walls - "Could I see your qualifications again Mr Baker."

"Well, right off I can tell the Feng Shui of your interrogation room is all off. The Life Area is in conflict with the Knowledge Area which creates a very powerful Alibi Area right here."

"That blasted maid's got everything upside-down again!"

Bathroom DIY

'You are advised to allow ten minutes at the end for demanding a re-mark.'

'Coach is in a meeting. He's going over patterns with his receivers.'

'Worse case of cabin fever I ever saw.'