Irritation Expert Pillows

Skin Deep. Hey, that's my dermatologist! He must be doing pretty well! One man's rash is another man's pleasure!

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

"When troubles begin to take their toll, it’s nice to take a little stroll!"

Pizza time.

"Dude. You seem tense."

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

Come dine with me!

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

"We've made such good progress with your stress management levels, that I feel able to risk a small setback."

'I'm worried about not being worried...'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

Boss's Office. He said if my work continues to suffer he'll have to put it out its misery.

'What do you mean 'how much longer am I going to keep you on hold' - I called you!'

'Sorry, Jimmy... the chameleons never seem to be out.'

'... 60 Minutes at 9:00, Green Peace at 10:00, the Tea Party at 11:00 ...'

'Well, let's work with the assumption that Harry Styles doesn't want to marry you...'

'Give it a rest, will you? -- We're ALL bored!'

"Beware! Stressed or not she will snap at you!"

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'Sometimes I think this is the best part of my day.'

"You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today."

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

"I like you Harry – even when your head's on fire you don't complain."

"I can always tell when someone invests in commodities futures."

Shortfuse psychology...making anger work for you!

'Oh no, I don't do my own mating fights anymore: Meet my champion...'

"It's come to my attention you're using my name as an epithet."

"I love you so much!" "Too much!"

"You might want to save some of this rage for your woodpecking."

"You could add 'Men who say "Ciao!" who are not even Italian or of Italian descent' to that list."