Ironically Lost Souls Pillows

'Let's follow this guy you said, he seems to know the way!'

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

'I hate my life.

Aging together

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

"I remember when this was all forest..."

I WRITE FOR THOSE/WHO STARE OUT WINDOWS/WITH LITTLE HAIR ON THEIR TOES

Man on park bench: I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

To put your right foot in, press 5...to take it out, press 6... to put...

Ginger was born to dance.

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

How to avoid a heart attack.

'Check under the hood? You're not feeling good? Oh, now I understand...you feel misunderstood!'

A great paper if you have a house full of kids...

"When I was young, my mother washed our clothes in a tub of water. Stains were simple back then."

Man on his way to heaven passes a sign "Heaven" up "Street Theatre" down

Joker in jail

"...First, we'll have to get you out of your shell...."

Gym Paperboy.

"Dry cleaning, pet store, Salvation Army - I'd be lost without my stickies on the dash!"

"Don't you just love them when they're that age?"

Your weight and fortune. What you'll weigh now...what you'll weigh 10 years from now.

At a business management library one section is labelled 'self-help' another is 'outsource others.'

'You Are Here' sign in desert.

'This one is better. No needles on the carpet.'

"Do you have a phone that doesn't do too much?"

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

'I think you only come in here to get out of doing the dishes.'

"Shoe laces, buttons, zippers, snaps...I'm beginning to hate technology!"