Ironically Lost Souls Gifts

'Let's follow this guy you said, he seems to know the way!'

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

'I hate my life.

Aging together

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

I WRITE FOR THOSE/WHO STARE OUT WINDOWS/WITH LITTLE HAIR ON THEIR TOES

"I remember when this was all forest..."

Man on park bench: I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

Nesting Camp, Pecking Camp, Cock-a-D00dle-Doo Camp … Whatever happened to growing up free-range?

To put your right foot in, press 5...to take it out, press 6... to put...

Ginger was born to dance.

How to avoid a heart attack.

'Check under the hood? You're not feeling good? Oh, now I understand...you feel misunderstood!'

Man on his way to heaven passes a sign "Heaven" up "Street Theatre" down

"When I was young, my mother washed our clothes in a tub of water. Stains were simple back then."

A great paper if you have a house full of kids...

Joker in jail

"...First, we'll have to get you out of your shell...."

At a business management library one section is labelled 'self-help' another is 'outsource others.'

"Fleetwood Mac still looks good on you."

Nation of Has-Beens (and Never-Will-Bes)

"Don't you just love them when they're that age?"

"Dry cleaning, pet store, Salvation Army - I'd be lost without my stickies on the dash!"

Gym Paperboy.

Your weight and fortune. What you'll weigh now...what you'll weigh 10 years from now.

'You Are Here' sign in desert.

'This one is better. No needles on the carpet.'

Egg Tattoos

"Shoe laces, buttons, zippers, snaps...I'm beginning to hate technology!"

Grim Reaper Insomnia

"Do you have a phone that doesn't do too much?"

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’