Unlucky Souls Pillows

'Time to try out my new shoes...'

Social distancing

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Only four more weeks before school is out...and then we're free for the time of our lives!"

The Best Laid Plans

'I hate my life.

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

An old, dancing man holding a steaming cup

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'Let's follow this guy you said, he seems to know the way!'

'Optimism is the key to success. Inside every fat chance, there's a slim chance trying to get out.''

How to avoid a heart attack.

"Well, now that you mention it, my philosophy has ALWAYS been to live every day as if it was my last."

'I'm sorry, but I don't know where 'this is'. I, too, am a stranger here.'

Man is mugged in the snow and then mugged again by the same person when on holiday.

"Ah! What a glorious day to be dead!"

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

'Except for the time he pecked my eyes out he's been a good bird'

"Can't you tell it's Monday morning, it's finally stopped raining?!"

"Keep your chin up."

It was easy to make Charlie laugh. (Sign: Will do rimshots for money)

Unlucky sculpture.

"Have some coffee, you'll feel better."

"You know, I'm happy in my world of low expectations."

"Local Showers"

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

'The alarm didn't go off, my car wouldn't start, missed the bus, my back's aching, haven't had a raise in two years ...'

"Here's your wings and Stratocaster. . ."

Waiting...

'first it was bankruptcy,then I totaled my four-wheeler,then my marriage.Now the magic has gone out of casting.'

Waiting for the Sun

'You just had to throw the manual out didn't you? Big man can figure everything out for himself...'

The good news about coming winter weather...

'Maybe I am jinxed -- did anybody else ever get hit by a meteor while standing in line at the unemployment office?'