Ironic Setting Enthusiast Gifts

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Backfire

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Emergency Phone.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

The Snarky District

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."