Ironic Setting Enthusiast Pillows

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Backfire

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

The Snarky District

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Emergency Phone.

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."