Ironic Health Enthusiast Gifts

The Un-healthy Supermarket

"I've got no problem making sacrifices. For example I'm willing to abstain from fruits, lettuce, vitamins..."

"Hang on! - How many units is in that...??"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"