Ironic Health Advocate Gifts

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

'But I feel quite healthy.'

Energy Drinks

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

'He's worried that the 20% that changes is the only 20% he knows!'

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"Crunch gym"

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'Great, more trans-fats and cholesterol!'

Covid-19

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

'Consumer alert! Consumer alert! - If it tastes good, spit it out!'

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

'Doctor does my policy also include injuries from sharp little arrows?!'

Aren't you afraid you'll void the warranty?

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

'So, you're at your computer 18 hours a day, never exercise and rely on caffeine. What's your blog about?'

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

This monument is dedicated to all those cows who laid down their lives to clog the arteries of fat humans everywhere!

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."