Health Irony Lover Gifts

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'I'll take #1.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"It wasn't really insulin. You don't have diabetes yet. It was just a warning shot."

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

"Oh yes! Clearly another case of malnutrition."

'...is really all the exercise I need to lose weight.'

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

'Call for back-up.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

'These aren't big enough to convince my family I'm really sick.'

"I asked for cosmetics but I got ultra-processed foods."

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

"Is E.Bowler here?"