Health Irony Enthusiasts Gifts

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

'For patients with a diagnosis of amnesia, send billing statements weekly until paid.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

"It's your work. Are you still sick or what?"

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

Where am I? Hospital. Saint Snickers. Hospital? Why? You got so mad at huge oil company profits that you passed out. Saint Snickers?! Corporate sponsor. Doctor says no yelling.

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

Man sits outside an STD clinic thinking of the twelve days of Christmas.

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

"The doctor will see you sometime before 9 a.m. and 4."

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

The Un-healthy Supermarket

'The doctor said I've got to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 5!'

'Sorry we couldn't find you a private ward.'

'Cocaine? Thank God - I thought you were doing salt.'

"Mind if I smoke?"