Health Irony Fan Gifts

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

'Sorry, we don't treat stab wounds.'

'For patients with a diagnosis of amnesia, send billing statements weekly until paid.'

'You've git song thrush Mrs Ellis.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'They're for stiff necks - take two, and avoid skulking around in drafty places!'

"I'm a little concerned about your smoking."

'You are right; it does appear to be some kind of a fungus.'

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

'Take two quarts of latex and call me in the morning.'

'It might be easier if I tell you what you don't have.'

'Well, sweetie, you got a prize. Why it's a cholesterol decoder ring!'

Osteoporosis Club: You Must Be This Short.

"I want to know where elephants go to diet."