Health Irony Admirer Gifts

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

Man sits outside an STD clinic thinking of the twelve days of Christmas.

"One day son all this will be yours."

"The doctor will see you sometime before 9 a.m. and 4."

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

"Look – now I've gone and caught your stupid disease!"

'I can only afford half of these prescriptions. Which have the best side effects?'

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."

The Un-healthy Supermarket