Health Irony Admirer Pillows

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

'They don't have any side effects, nor any other effect whatsoever!'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

"It's a warning from the American Hypochondriacs Association -- you've been overprescribing placebos."

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

'Oh, sure, the whole nine lives thing is great until the life insurance premiums come due.'

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

Glen had been depressed ever since deciding to live every day as if it were his last.

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

Where am I? Hospital. Saint Snickers. Hospital? Why? You got so mad at huge oil company profits that you passed out. Saint Snickers?! Corporate sponsor. Doctor says no yelling.

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

"… All the lab work confirms it — I’m sorry, Mr. Franklin … You’re old."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

Man sits outside an STD clinic thinking of the twelve days of Christmas.

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

'I really hate going to hospital.' 'I know. It's unfortunate you're a neurosurgeon.'

"One day son all this will be yours."

"The doctor will see you sometime before 9 a.m. and 4."

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'I can only afford half of these prescriptions. Which have the best side effects?'

"Look – now I've gone and caught your stupid disease!"

"Mind if I smoke?"