Ironic Health Enthusiast Pillows

I've been told I have the body of a 20-year old. A 20-year old what wasn't made clear.

The Un-healthy Supermarket

'Cocaine? Thank God - I thought you were doing salt.'

"I've got no problem making sacrifices. For example I'm willing to abstain from fruits, lettuce, vitamins..."

"Hang on! - How many units is in that...??"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Good morning Walters, I see you've mad a speedy recovery from your bout with smallpox!'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."