Wellness Irony Enthusiast Pillows

'But I feel quite healthy.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'The good news is that you'll be able to continue working and pay my bill.'

'OK, that's two triple bacon double cheese burgers with extra mayo. Would you like a will with that?'

'My doctor has been dropping subtle hints for me to loose weight.'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

Woman visits a dietitian and comes out a skeleton.

Life before fitness trackers.

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

"Good news! Your health care provider has agreed to pay for that tongue depressor I used on you. However, you will have to pay for everything else."

'Just think, I used to pay a spa $30 a month to hang me upside down in gravity inversion boots.'

'Make it a double and make it neat: I'm trying to cut back on flouride.'

"Let's face it: Life can be life threatening."

'You're in bad shape...except for your jaws.'

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

Man sits outside an STD clinic thinking of the twelve days of Christmas.

'Cocaine? Thank God - I thought you were doing salt.'

The Un-healthy Supermarket

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

"Everyone dismisses me as just a flu bug. But I know in my heart I'm so much more than that."

Hole-istic Healing.

"Mind if I smoke?"

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."

"A life sentence isn't so bad. With good behavior, a poor diet, smoking and lack of exercise, you'll be out in no time."

'You need more cholesterol. The oat bran level in your body is too high.'

'Side effects? In your condition you won't notice.'