Ironic Diet Club Pillows

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

On the back of the t-shirt...

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

'Got anything more exciting?' - 'Yes, under the counter we have hamburger and chips, beer and chocolate cake.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

"I'm on a health kick at the moment - let's walk around it a few times before we eat."

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'I can't use it...I can't afford the gym membership!'

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

Fast food

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'He's terrified of heights.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

"Let's fight obesity - left leg up..."

Diet.

'Hello Judith, how is your diet going...'

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

'That's not what I meant when I said you needed to grow into your job.'

'I was caught jogging past an Olympics sponsor's fat and sugar outlet.'

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'