Ironic Diet Aficionado Pillows

'I'm an expert on diets, I've been on 456 of them!'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Darling - look! I've dropped a gene size already.'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Mother Nature's Health Foods

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

Summertime Blues

"Are all of your carcinogens produced locally?"

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

Diet.

Fast food

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

'I'm all for a healthy diet,too, but once in a while couldn't we eat something a cow wouldn't eat?'

The Un-healthy Supermarket

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

'I just don't understand all the commotion over genetically altered foods, Jack. We've beens serving them, unbeknownst, to our employees in the very commissary for 10 years without a single complaint.'

When I said you needed a varied diet I didn't mean just all 12 varieties of 'Krispy snax'

Joe's Natural Foods...steak 'n' tators.

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'

"Hang on! - How many units is in that...??"

"It's not fair, you only take me out when you know I'm dieting!"