Diet Irony Lover Pillows

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

No, you don't need to be "gluten-free." I said "glutton-free"!

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

Toblerone - Toblertwo.

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

"You better not be cheating on our Atkins diet buster!"

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

"I can't wait for neolithic to start. I am sick of this paleo diet."

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

Food guide.

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

Hungry man chasing elephant with knife and fork

'Trans fat will do that.'