Diet Irony Lover Pillows

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Chef's salad as ordered.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

My exercise routine is to change channels every time there's an ad about junk food.

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"I put an olive in my beer and turn it into a health drink."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

Toblerone - Toblertwo.

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

Food guide.

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

"I can't wait for neolithic to start. I am sick of this paleo diet."

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

'Trans fat will do that.'

Hungry man chasing elephant with knife and fork

Warning: Quitting smoking will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'