Ironic Dieter Pillows

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'Oh she's certainly on a diet but can't decide whether to have it before or after her normal meals...!'

"Today I'm gonna stuff myself! I'll have half a broccoli and a glass of water!"

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

Fantasy Diet League

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

Fast food