Ironic Dietitian Pillows

'Honey, why don't you start watching your diet instead of eating it?'

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

Let's skip to dessert

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'The customer is always right...'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

Live yogurt.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

The 5th Basic Food Group - Junk Food.

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

Mosquito Worry About Saturated Fats

"These high fiber popsicles is just a box of sticks!"

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

Diet.

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

Fast food

'Do you have a scale that's less sarcastic?'

Consumer of Pears.

"Yes, fish is healthy, but not really when it's battered, deep-fried and serve with tartare sauce and chips!"