Ironic Diet Explorer Pillows

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Nutritional Supplements.

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Cardiac day patients?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"Hey guys, I'm thinking about going vegetarian."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"We've gone glutton-free."

'The good news is that our latest diet products work fabulously well. The bad news is that we haven't got any customers any more!'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'I know why Max has suddenly turned vegetarian: His new girlfriend is a Fruit-Bat...'

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"Do you have anything that looks vegan, but is made from meat?"

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"I know... everybody just assumes I'm a vegetarian."

'Oh ya! I didn't tell you guys. I'm a vegetarian now.'

'It's okay - they're VITAMIN-ENRICHED chocolates!'

"I'm all for having a cheat day while dieting. However, you may be taking it a bit too far."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

"My veganism begins and ends with eating insects."