Ironic Diet Club T-Shirts

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

On the back of the t-shirt...

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Fast Food Dieter

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

'Got anything more exciting?' - 'Yes, under the counter we have hamburger and chips, beer and chocolate cake.'

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"I'm on a health kick at the moment - let's walk around it a few times before we eat."

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

'I can't use it...I can't afford the gym membership!'

'He's terrified of heights.'

"Let's fight obesity - left leg up..."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Fast food

Diet.

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'Hello Judith, how is your diet going...'

'This exercise machine does away with the pretense of a working out. It features a dozen hooks for a hanging clothing.'

'Your wife put you on a fad diet?'

'I was caught jogging past an Olympics sponsor's fat and sugar outlet.'

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

'That's not what I meant when I said you needed to grow into your job.'

Flu Shots