Investment Muse Gifts

'My advice is: Hold on to your stock so you can look back at this and laugh.'

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"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Jerry Lordan

Men in office, pose as Rodin's: The Thinker. A sign on the wall reads: THINK.

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

Painting the portrait of a weight lifter.

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

America's funniest investment scams

The Speculators

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

"Okay... how about some people are poverty rich but asset poor?"

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

Large cap funds

"I'm leaning towards cake as the new global currency...but are you sure these are our best options?"

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'If you wanted to become rich, you shouldn't have become a doctor. You should have become an investment counselor.'

"Who on earth would call on a landline? How rude!"

'Eddie, politicians everywhere are kicking cans down the road, so maybe it's time to get in on the boom in tin.'

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

Little Investment on the Praire