Interview Invader Gifts

Boss beside wastepaper bin full of people shouting "Next!"

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"Any other strengths?"

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'