Interview Invader Pillows

Boss beside wastepaper bin full of people shouting "Next!"

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'Do you have an appointment?'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

"Any other strengths?"

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'