Internet Infiltrator Gifts

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The new Physics

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I only told a few friends."

"You go pillage. I can loot from here."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

Spam traps on mobiles

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

The Darknet starts right here.

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

"Erik does most of his plundering online these days"

Berlitz guide to Scamese

'Them's fightin' tweets!'

The Emperor's New Followers

Psychiatry. Why go on a voyage of self-discovery when I can just Google myself?

"I met my wife on Tinder."

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"I warned him being online was dangerous."