Internal Communications Specialist Gifts

'Have you met the head of internal communications?'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

Dialogue

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Changing Minds

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

Ruddy bloggers!

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

Information...political rhetoric

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"My Blackberry will get in touch with your Blackberry."

Torturing the English Language

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'Hi! I'm on the tree.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'