Interior Style Guru T-Shirts

'I don't see how this roller thing helps. . .'

'What do you think of the decor?' 'It's a little spartan.' 'Fight to the death!'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

Painting the Ceiling

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Absolutely not!"

Keeping warm.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.

'Do you like my little black number?'

At the suit makers

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

His and Her wardrobe's

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

"That shirt is so last year."

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."