Interior Decor Guru T-Shirts

The Venus Flytrap Leather Sectional

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Use your imagination.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"You're welcome."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

Fittd shēt

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

New Coat of Paint at the Sistine Condos

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

Waiting Room Quarterly

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'

Books / Coffee table books

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

"The next time we redecorate, how about if I choose the art?"

'It's my main decorating motif.'

An assortment of vegetables in the form of Tables

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"The artist-in-residence is struggling a bit, but other than that we're fine."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of being a painter are the hardest.'