Decor Guru T-Shirts

Phil Loomis, between office decor fads.

Welcome 3rd Grade. That's very sweet of you, Steven, but I think I'm all done "pimping" my classroom.

Our eco-prom theme is "Jungle Paradise." Decorations will be live plants. I see where this is leading. Can you bring in trees and bushes for the night? Sure. But

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'Don't get too excited, I made the same mistake when I first arrived: It's plastic...'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

A women in a shoeshop.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Yoga Xmas Decorations

Keeping warm.

"Absolutely not!"

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Do you like my little black number?'

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

At the suit makers

Mr Metrosexual.

Non-Drip ?

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"That shirt is so last year."