Decor Guru Pillows

Phil Loomis, between office decor fads.

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'Don't get too excited, I made the same mistake when I first arrived: It's plastic...'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Absolutely not!"

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

Keeping warm.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Do you like my little black number?'

At the suit makers

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.

Non-Drip ?

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

His and Her wardrobe's