Diy Guru Pillows

Builders.

'It says on the tin... For best results put on two coats!'

Hole drilled in floor. 'That's fixed that.'

"Just buy a new one. It's over 40 years old. That must be about 160 in toilet years."

Paper Men Chain

'Admit it, you fitted the solar panels the wrong way round.'

Houses built by Jack and Jerry.

Nailed it

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"...and this time I want a straight answer - when are you going to fix that dripping tap?"

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

Problem Solving

"My wife also likes DIY... Every time I want to have sex with her, she says - do it yourself!"

Mohawk Yard.

Time For This Odd House

'I've found the problem - I'm not a mechanic.'

'It would be just like my husband not to like the color.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'My wife told me to have some work done on the house while she's away - so I'm having the locks changed.'

Enlightened Cursing

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

Don't worry, I'll do it ...

"Was it a fuse?"

"Here, let me put some ointment on your bug bite. I made it myself from cayenne powder, licorice root and mugwort leaves blended with that vanilla pudding I made last week. Hmm...it's not here."

DIY FE I really admire those guys. They're very self-sufficient.

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

Cut out and keep your own Frank Sinatra.

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."