Diy Guru Gifts

Builders.

'It says on the tin... For best results put on two coats!'

Hole drilled in floor. 'That's fixed that.'

"Just buy a new one. It's over 40 years old. That must be about 160 in toilet years."

Paper Men Chain

'Admit it, you fitted the solar panels the wrong way round.'

Houses built by Jack and Jerry.

Nailed it

"...and this time I want a straight answer - when are you going to fix that dripping tap?"

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

Problem Solving

"My wife also likes DIY... Every time I want to have sex with her, she says - do it yourself!"

Mohawk Yard.

Time For This Odd House

'I've found the problem - I'm not a mechanic.'

'It would be just like my husband not to like the color.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'My wife told me to have some work done on the house while she's away - so I'm having the locks changed.'

Enlightened Cursing

Don't worry, I'll do it ...

"Was it a fuse?"

"Here, let me put some ointment on your bug bite. I made it myself from cayenne powder, licorice root and mugwort leaves blended with that vanilla pudding I made last week. Hmm...it's not here."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"So, how did the audition go?" "Great! I really nailed it."

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'