Insurance Evader Gifts

'Can we avoid going through the insurance company.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

Anger Management - Now Treating "Electoral College Rage"

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'My philosophy is to sit down and the hell with being counted.'

'Just a minute, officer. I found a loophole in this law book!'

'The doctor's office said you cancelled your appointment and put a restraining order on the rest of them.'

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

'Before I mow the grass, I'd like to quote from section four, paragraph c, of the state child labor code...'

'About my accrued holdiay pay...can you mail it to my offshore account?'

'I had it all - then the IRS found where I had it hidden.'

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

"He's not good with change!"

Infernal Revenue Service

'I'' be in the basement, Amy... below the radar.'

"I got an extension.'

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

Car driving on tube line - 'They'll do anything to avoid the new congestion charge.'

"How much do we owe them?"

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

"Thank God you're just my wife's lover! I thought you were from the Inland Revenue!"

Fiction: 'Filling in your tax returns'

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

Son disappears at the mention of helping out mom.

'New dog?' - 'Yes, and no more food bills, no vets fees.'

"I'd like a word with you please."

"What an exhausting weekend! I made too may commitments Friday during Happy Hour and spent Saturday and Sunday weaseling out of them."

Financial Advisor. Will you meet expenses this month? Unless I find a really good hiding place.

"Mr. Rod, my dad wants to clean the garage tomorrow...and he needs me to pack boxes and haul tons of stuff. It'll probably take all day!"

'First of all, sir, do you have your blood pressure medication with you?'

Recent studies show that a man's fear of commitment extends to the television, where he suffers an unrelenting paranoia that something better is on another channel.

"A book report? -- Wouldn't that be a copyright violation?"