Envy Evader Gifts

'What's the point of having a luxury car if you put it in the garage at night?'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'It was great. I hated it.'

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

'No, but thanks for asking,'

Binge Watch

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

"Your grass looks great."

'A Mr Ritzwell to see you, sir. Are you in, or are you using the escape tunnel?'

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

What would it take to get you to start running? Frankly, doctor, it would take someone chasing me.

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

Man to lady regarding 'Resistance Exercises' book: 'No thanks. I've been an expert on resisting to exercise for 20 years.'

"He's not good with change!"

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

'I have this--wow! I must have THIS couch--deep seated envy complex...'

Stand in the Q.

"I got an extension.'

"I have an app that does my exercise for me!"

"They've just got a better grade of grass over there!"

'Can we avoid going through the insurance company.'

'The Democrats steal more books, but the Republicans have more overdue fines.'

"Math scares me so much I can't even add it to my list of anxieties."

"My boyfriend's got a split personality. Every time the check comes he splits!"

'I met TIm from college, he must earn ten times what we do and he has a company porsche!'

"No, Harry, shaking ketchup on your burger and chips twice a day cannot be counted as exercise."

'Dude. Seriously? Tell me you didn't put your tongue on that thing.'

"No thanks, just browsing."

"A book report? -- Wouldn't that be a copyright violation?"