Insurance Assessor Gifts

"Okay, I'll accept that the big, bad wolf blew your house down, but I don't believe he 'nicked your D.V.D. recorder and plasma T.V.'."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

Caution signs.

Safety Barriers

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

First Aid Box

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"Smart Arse"

Here's my dental insurance card. Sorry. Twig had a visit within the last 6 months. This one's not covered. That was a check-up. This is an emergency. How about Twig's chipped tooth? Your policy doesn't cover cosmetic problems. Now I get it! My insurance is cosmetic. Have a nice day!

'Let's go raise some hell and tell people we support government sponsored health care!'

'Perhaps we do need a plan 'B'.'

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

"Until we know more about the nature of the threat, we should stay calm and wash out hands to keep it from spreading."

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

Cathedral Made Safe.

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."